Going

The closer I get to leaving for Haiti the more I’m realizing how much God has orchestrated my going.  He put it on my heart to go back to Haiti in September. I ignored this at the time just thinking in was my own restlessness from being home and not being in school.  I was working two jobs at the time and needed to pay my parents back for sending me to Bible school last year, and had a boy friend that I was trying to cultivate a relationship with.  When December came around things in my life started to get a little heated.  My boyfriend and I broke up (we are still great friends) and I felt like God was telling me to quit my job, so I did.  But then the main reason that I though I was suppose to quit for ceased to become a factor so I went back to work for a week and felt like crap the whole time. Like working there was completely the opposite of what God wanted me to be doing. I felt like I was blatantly disobeying God even though the reasons why He wanted me to quit were gone.  It didn’t make any since to me; why would God tell me to quit a wonderful job without another job lined up when the economy is going bad?  It seemed foolish.  But something that I had been thinking about since the end of Bible school and something that my boyfriend’s dad had mentioned to me in August kept bugging me.  It was about living in faith and learning how to do it.  You cant learn how unless you try it.  That was something that I thought was important to learn because, in my life here on earth I want to be able to follow God wherever He takes me so I can be used by Him to the fullest.  It would be impossible to do that unless I was able to step out in faith.  Like the little kid that has to trust that his dad will catch him when he jumps off the diving board.  So needless to say I quit again.  I decided to spend the month of January rebuilding my relationship with Jesus.  By the end of December I was an emotional wreck and my dad was worried about me, so he told me not to feel like I needed to pay him back right away for school, he said he’d rather see me sane.  So that plus ending our relationship and quitting my job opened up the possibility to go back to Haiti.  I had mentioned something about it to Andrew Tluchek earlier in December and began praying about it.  I was thinking maybe about going there in the summer to help with the English camp they do.  Two days before the earthquake hit Haiti I had decided to start preparing to get ready to go.  When it did hit I spend a good portion of that evening crying and in prayer, It seemed that this was what God had had planned for me to do. He already knew the earth would shake and He wanted me to go help.  I spent the next two weeks praying about it and got ahold of Andrew to see if his parents would want me to help them in Haiti where I went last year.  He talked to them and they said yes.  So im going.